I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
