Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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