I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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