Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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