i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
