I am full of burrito and curiosity
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
