My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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