her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
