just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
