She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
