so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
