Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
