WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
