All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
