So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
