Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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