shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
