So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
not ubering you a puppy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
