Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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