His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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