I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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