Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
