You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
