I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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