i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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