I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
