My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
