just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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