hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
