I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
