I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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