is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
