did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
