why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
