I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
