I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
