My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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