Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
