oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
