I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
