I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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