Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
