i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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