Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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