so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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