I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hippo gnu deer
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
