Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
