your parents love me but you hate me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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