I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
