At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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