found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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