forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just tell him i said nine months
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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