obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
