Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
