Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
