'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
