You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
