you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry about my life...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
