you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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