it was like his penis was on wheels.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
