How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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