Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize