i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
