He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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