this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
