Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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