i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
