Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
