My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
should my penis look like a turkey
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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