Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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