she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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