I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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