All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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