i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
